Michael Jackson got it wrong when he sourced for inspiration by the riverside. Maybe that explains why his troubles became quadrupled. He would have done much better if he did it in the toilet or bathroom. In that case, he would have been named the wisest wit-nit three times in a row.
Only a few people realize the wonderful opportunities available in the toilet to achieve an epiphany of tissue-papered goals. Do you know that just as they claim that wisdom begins from home; greatness begins from the bathroom? Truth be told, it’s only in the toilet that you get reconciled to your real self. There, you can gain a higher self esteem needed to deal with the crazy world outside. Do you daydream? Are you apprehensive about how to attract that beautiful girl next door? Or are you trying to write a best-selling novel? You can get much inspiration by tarrying a while each time you use the toilet.
Here are the popular skills that can further be developed in the toilet or bathroom (if your toilet and bathroom are joined, Great!):
5. Songwriting/Compilation: First, don’t forget to play with the toilet soap. Keep the headphones and iPods in the bedroom. Playing with the soap must be done before anything else. Are you great at inventing stuffs? You want release your mind and heart for a few minutes in the bid to maximize the opportunity for eccentric imagery, which is needed for ethereal lyrics or tunes that will emanate from the improvised bar soap. In case you’re above 40 and have lost touch with how you did it decades ago, (we would have loved to give you details here, but there’s just too little space for that) ask little Jimmy, the noisy toddler downstairs.
When you’ve played with the toilet soap for about 6 minutes, begin to hum. Do it while you’re still seated on the toilet bowl or on the bathtub. It doesn’t matter how the tune comes out. It doesn’t have to make any sense either; what really matters is that you’re able to hear yourself. The only thing you must watch out for when you hum is that it must be real and sillier than the noise made by Gremlins.
In case you’re not aware, 70 percent of most successful singles (music videos) released where inspired by gibberish thoughts and antics.
Things you must not bring into the bathroom: Any musical gadget. Kindle.
4. Prose Writing: Do you have a difficult assignment from your boss? Take a pen and paper. Quickly jot down 3 lines from the middle of your brain. Make sure that what you write doesn’t come from the area between the brain and the pate. Do it fast, with the same speed you swallow hot marshmallow. If you think about what you want to write, that’s a recipe for failure. Surely, you want produce excellent work, right? Save all your sanity for the next editorial meeting, please.
Who doesn’t know that writers must be crazy to succeed? If as a writer you write what people want to read, you’ll barely make enough money to buy lipstick for your girlfriend.
Oh, this idea really works. If you’re like doubting Thomas, please ask Charles Dickens about this step when he strolls through your street this evening.
What you must not bring into the bathroom: Your laptop or Android.
3. Smart Conversation: This is one reason why Obama won the election. None of us knew how talented he was until he came to the white house. He probably ruminated and talked for hours, sitting on the tip of the bathtub at the time of election contest. Now he certainly needs to be fixated in the bathtub days on end to secure a second term in office.
Good news! You don’t have to struggle as much as he did to get the girl next door. Just make sure to speak to yourself as you sit on the bathtub or the toilet bowl. Do it several times. Remember, practice makes perfect.
If your bathroom has a large mirror, look at it while you speak and avoid lisping. And like I said above about writing, don’t think about what you say. If you get jittery along the lines, take the toilet soap and do a throw-catch exercise severally with it as you continue uttering claptrap. However, if you find it hard to gain the conversation skill needed to attract that girl, please contact Martin Lawrence. He can give you a bachelor degree on smart conversation.
What you must not bring into the bathroom: The book – How To Lose Old Friends and Gain New Ones.
2. Daydreaming: It’s great way to re-connect with your long-lost first love. A skinny rat appears from the window sill just to let me know that daydreaming is not a skill and needs no coaching for anyone to get better at it. I guess that’s why cats often get on to rats. There’s only a little difference between the two, though. However, that difference is as great as the distance between C and R.
What many people believe to be a daydream act is really known as depression. There was once a guy who complained to his doctor about insomnia.
Doc: Mmh! it appears your case is depression (who says some doctors ain’t stupid? There’s a poll going on to ascertain the exact numbers of moron-docs in town)
Guy: No doctor, there’s no depression. I only daydream.
Doc: You daydream? About what?
Guy: (draws in plenty of oxygen) I wanted to know how long I will remain poor and how long I will be without a girlfriend.
Doc: Congratulations! Now, my boy, you know… and for one thing, you’re richer than Uncle Sam.
Guy: Really? How come?
Doc: How come? Well your daydreaming has damaged trillions of cells in your gullet…
So to perfect your daydream exercise in the bathroom, just pick a spot on the wall. The spot must look as serene as Sweden during the Second World War. Fix your eyes on that spot for eleven minutes without blinking at all and without looking away for once, even if you see my shifty-eyed great, great grandmuther heckling at you.
Then simply search inside your thoughts for a place called Crypto, just opposite Purgatory, where the souls of great thinkers wait to be shed of the rest of the wisdom that they couldn’t leave behind on earth; probably they’d let you into the third bliss.
If you must daydream about anything close to sex in your bathroom, make sure to see yourself kissing purple cow-lips.
What you must not bring to the bathroom: Thoughts on your latest triumph.
1. Lovemaking: That cat saved me from the embarrassment of the rat this time. Mph! Thanks to twenty-seven thundering barnacles and a blistering typhoon. Now to the meat! Lovemaking is a skill that only one percent of men possess, let alone teenage boys, who think they have all the libidos needed to impregnate New Orleans.
Have you ever wondered how many men in the world still grope to locate the fem-valley that leads to bliss-hell every night? They say the number of men who finally ‘arrive’ there each night is just about the number of tweets made on Tweeter for only a day. Oh my, what a promiscuous generation!
Some think it’s a great thing to watch voodoo-porn in the toilet. No, it’s better to do it in the bathtub. Word of caution: Don’t think about sex or the oracle as you practice this time, because these are cruel killers of inspiration. Life is a joke, sex is a silly ass, but the oracle is simply a tomb. Yet, one of them will kill the others soon. However, we need an experienced computer hacker to decipher which of these three will be the culprit.
What you must not bring to the bathroom: Sex toys and the thoughts of your ex.